You build on failure. You use it as a stepping stone. Close the door on the past. You don’t try to forget the mistakes, but you don’t dwell on it. You don’t let it have any of your energy, or any of your time, or any of your space.   -Johnny Cash

Space and light and order. Those are the things that men need just as much as they need bread or a place to sleep.   -Le Corbusier

Your personal space says a lot about you.  How you live, how you handle life.  It’s a testament to how you treat your body and what you think about yourself.  Your personal space says a lot. 

I’ll be honest.  My personal space is cluttered.  I exhibit pack rat tendencies.  Physically and emotionally, this is how I’ve been known to roll. I keep things.  Things that don’t mean anything.  Things that no longer serve a purpose in my life.  Things that I think that I need, but don’t use and things that I think may come in handy later.  Emotionally, it is the same thing.  I keep things, defense mechanisms that I don’t need, fears that do me no good, guilt for things that have long since been paid for, unwarranted shame, and built up anger.  In both cases, I can say that I am not a candidate for Hoarders on Bravo.  My “house” is neat, it’s all organized confusion, an oxymoron if there ever was one.  I buy plastic containers, pretty boxes, and tall shelves to provide additional storage options, but let’s face it.  No matter how or where things are stored, it is still clutter and it isn’t good to keep.  Clutter of any kind blocks energy flow, creativity, focus, and blessings.  I’ve started on the good foot so many times. 

I’ve made changes.  I’ve lost weight.  I’ve cleaned up, but as my house reflects, I have not truly released things.  Therefore, the changes that I’ve made revert back to my default.  The weight that was lost finds its way back.  The creative flow and productivity comes to a halt and things return to a disorganized state.  How am I back here?  It’s like a boomerang.  You can throw it far, but it always comes back.  Forward progress is good.   Actually, it’s great.  Who in their “right mind” wants to go back?  Notice that “right mind” is in bold.  In order to keep moving forward, your mind has to be right.

How many cases have you seen where someone has lost weight in some dramatic way, (pills, a fad diet, surgery), and after losing tens to hundreds of pounds, they eventually gain back the weight?  What about all of those people who’ve won millions from the lottery only to end up totally broke in a matter of years?  Their minds weren’t right.  Their houses weren’t in order.  It was filled with the clutter of their negative beliefs that got them to where they were to begin with: overweight, broke, lonely, unhappy, or depressed or all of the above.  They weren’t prepared and neither was I.  So, how could any of us expect lasting change?  I’m curious to know your thoughts.

To be continued…

©2012 BigDivaHq.com. All Rights Reserved.

I had this laundry list of the reasons that I haven’t posted in so long, but I balled it up and threw it away.  I don’t necessarily want to focus on falling off the saddle except to acknowledge it and apologize for doing so.  I’m not even going to say that it won’t happen again, because that would be a lie and it is important for me to be honest with you.  I can, however, say that I hope that it won’t happen again.

Instead, I’d like to focus on the blessing or the silver lining.  Through not posting, I realize how many people read and enjoy my posts despite the lack of posting comments.  The other positve is that I have come to know that a part of me that I’d hoped was gone is not.  

Since high school, I had this tendency that when things were going well: diets, exercise programs, schedules that I set for studying, things that I set up to correct a behavior, something within me had other ideas.  It would throw a monkey wrench in my spokes and sabotage everything.  It was completel out of control.  The motivation and encouragement that I had to continue the good things that I was doing would suddenly disappear and turn into this bored and lazy attitude.  Then things would go back to the usual.  I’d go back to eating like before, quit exercising, and then gain back every pound that I’d lost.  My studies fell off and my goals would be left unachieved.   I didn’t understand what it was in the beginning.  I thought that there was something wrong with me and that no one else had this issue.  Turns out that I was wrong. 

I’m not sure why, but I noticed it a lot less these past few years.  Since so many great things have been happening lately, I thought that it was a thing of the past, but it has creeped back into the picture.  To be totally honest, I’m not sure that it ever left.  *sigh*  This is so frustrating.  I don’t know why the self sabotage is happening.  Maybe it is fear of change or of being successful.  Maybe it is just about remaining comfortable.  Maybe it is my subconscious playing a preprogrammed and out of date tape.  Whatever it is, knowing that it is still there is a blessing.

I firmly believe that I have what it takes to acheive all of my goals and be succesfull.  I believe that I can have the life that I want down to the type of rims I want on my car, but if there are some things in my subconscious that I don’t deal with, then either it will be much harder to fight with myself to acheive my goals and / or my successes will slip right through my fingers. 

Acknowledgment is the first step to dealing with any issues and now that I have acknowledged the self sabotage,  I am prepared to get back in the saddle and find a solution to deal with it and not let it hinder me any further.  I will keep you updated on my findings and I will also be posting the conclusion to “How a Drive By Changed My Life” very soon.  Thank you for sticking around!  I hope that all of you had an wonderful Thanksgiving holiday!

©2012 BigDivaHq.com. All Rights Reserved.