I have to apologize. Not only do I owe you the conclusion to a story, but I owe you a better effort to keep posts consistent. I haven’t posted in a month of Sundays. *Sidebar: Can someone please tell me where the that saying came from?* I digress.
I had this laundry list of the reasons that I haven’t posted in so long, but I balled it up and threw it away. I don’t necessarily want to focus on falling off the saddle except to acknowledge it and apologize for doing so. I’m not even going to say that it won’t happen again, because that would be a lie and it is important for me to be honest with you. I can, however, say that I hope that it won’t happen again.
Instead, I’d like to focus on the blessing or the silver lining. Through not posting, I realize how many people read and enjoy my posts despite the lack of posting comments. The other positve is that I have come to know that a part of me that I’d hoped was gone is not.
Since high school, I had this tendency that when things were going well: diets, exercise programs, schedules that I set for studying, things that I set up to correct a behavior, something within me had other ideas. It would throw a monkey wrench in my spokes and sabotage everything. It was completel out of control. The motivation and encouragement that I had to continue the good things that I was doing would suddenly disappear and turn into this bored and lazy attitude. Then things would go back to the usual. I’d go back to eating like before, quit exercising, and then gain back every pound that I’d lost. My studies fell off and my goals would be left unachieved. I didn’t understand what it was in the beginning. I thought that there was something wrong with me and that no one else had this issue. Turns out that I was wrong.
I’m not sure why, but I noticed it a lot less these past few years. Since so many great things have been happening lately, I thought that it was a thing of the past, but it has creeped back into the picture. To be totally honest, I’m not sure that it ever left. *sigh* This is so frustrating. I don’t know why the self sabotage is happening. Maybe it is fear of change or of being successful. Maybe it is just about remaining comfortable. Maybe it is my subconscious playing a preprogrammed and out of date tape. Whatever it is, knowing that it is still there is a blessing.
I firmly believe that I have what it takes to acheive all of my goals and be succesfull. I believe that I can have the life that I want down to the type of rims I want on my car, but if there are some things in my subconscious that I don’t deal with, then either it will be much harder to fight with myself to acheive my goals and / or my successes will slip right through my fingers.
Acknowledgment is the first step to dealing with any issues and now that I have acknowledged the self sabotage, I am prepared to get back in the saddle and find a solution to deal with it and not let it hinder me any further. I will keep you updated on my findings and I will also be posting the conclusion to “How a Drive By Changed My Life” very soon. Thank you for sticking around! I hope that all of you had an wonderful Thanksgiving holiday!
It’s a new month in a new season, so now is as good a time as any to get right. I was listening to a podcast interview on I-Tunes with Lisa Nichols, (most recognized by her appearance on The Secret), and one of the things that she said was how important it is to be grateful. Lisa starts every day in gratitude, saying out loud all of the things for which she is grateful. I’ve listened to at least a hundred podcast interviews with Lisa, John Assaraf, Jim Rohn, Oprah Winfrey, Les Brown, Jack Canfield, Rev. Michael Beckwith, Earl Nightingale, Joe Vitale, and many others. I’ve heard all of them say in one way or another how important it is to be grateful and how being grateful has made a difference in their lives. Oprah has even talked about her gratitude journal which she writes in on a regular basis. They’ve even said that gratitude for the bad things brings more good things into your life.