BIG ANNOUNCEMENT!
So, I got engaged!!!
I can’t tell you how happy I am to have found someone who is so wonderful to me. He treats me like the Big Diva Queen that I am. lol I’m elated yet in disbelief that I am engaged. One minute I had a boyfriend, then he went and did that one knee and ring thing and now I have a fiance’. Damn! It happened so quick!
I have to admit that even though we intend to have a long engagement, (year or 2 max), I am nervous. You see, I know how to do me all day on the solo tip. Sure, I’ve dabbled in the minor leagues and been hanging around training camps. This right here though? The majors, baby, and I’m a rookie.
Through the years, I’ve pined for a relationship, endured sketchy dating incidents and situations, and sometimes laid in bed at night crying about being lonely and single. That got tiring, so I read some books, worked on me, bolstered my self esteem, took solo trips, developed more interests, and got comfortable with me. I used that solo time to learn who I am and what I wanted. Of course, I developed the typical single lifestyle. I did what I wanted when I wanted without having to discuss it with anyone first or ask permission or whatever. If the urge hit me, I’d drop money and head to Puerto Rico by myself the next month.
Then I got into a relationship and it is unlike anything that I’ve ever experienced. It’s not that the others weren’t serious. Some were, but this is my first real relationship at a point in my life where I’m one with me. I’m at a point where I’m comfortable in my skin, where I truly feel happy and where I honestly know my worth. I was a people pleaser. I was so happy to be with someone that I went put up with crap and went along with things that didn’t sit well with me. As arrogant as this may sound to some of you, I dated people who weren’t on my level. They truly weren’t worthy.
However, with this relationship, I’m more open and honest than ever. I find that I’ve opened up to him about things without hesitation. He didn’t even have to ask. I found myself telling him some of my “not my finest hour” moments. You know… the skeletons long since forgotten in the back of the closet but are still stinking up the joint. lol My mouth would be moving and my brain would be saying, “Shut the hell up! Why are you telling him these things?!”. I’d close my eyes, say what I had to say, and then wait for him to get upset or have some kind of negative reaction, which he never did. He always had something wise to say.
What makes me nervous is that I have been lightly pushed into a territory to which I’m not accustomed. Before I make weekend plans, I check with him. When I buy groceries, I have to be considerate of the things that he eats. I buy more meat than I ever have and I’m not a coffee drinker, but now find myself pricing coffee makers. I don’t randomly extend my work trips like I used to do. I give up my side of the bed when he comes over, but not without a fight. lol I’ve cleaned and purged my belongings to make more room in my life and home for him. I know that this is all part of the plan and to be totally honest, this is small fries compared to what is coming. There is the task of merging of finances, goals, families, and belongings. Actually, the belongings are easy; His stuff goes. :p Ok, ok, that wouldn’t be fair, but the idea that I might have to switch out my sage shower curtain for his underwater goldfish is hurting my soul. lol
The next thing to come is the dreaded “We”. You’ve heard how couples use it. ”We love candles.” ”We’re so glad you could make it.” ”We support this cause.” ”We’re pregnant!” WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!!! Did I type that for real? Ay chihuahua!!! Anyway, you get my point. Maybe I’m being ridiculous… I don’t know. This is just a really interesting time in my life right now. I am unsure of what will come, but knowing that I have an understanding, logical, reasonable, and supportive fiance’ gives me comfort that it will all turn out just fine. :-)
My Personal Testimonial for the Wonders of EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique)
After reading a blog post from my tweep, @MsJayye, about clutter, I was inspired to write a post, so I started doing research about the psychological aspect of clutter. That’s when I came across a podcast by Teresa Lee, “The Tapping Lady”. On her page, there were 3 podcasts about EFT and weight loss. She talked about how she used EFT to clear her negative beliefs. As a result, she lost 50 pounds and cured herself of fibromyalgia and other ailments.
I’ve heard of the technique before, but didn’t think it really worked. I thought about how all things happen for a reason and that finding her page probably wasn’t an accident. I decided to be open minded and gave it a try. You can listen to the posts here:
I listened to her and tried a few of her suggestions. I noticed that I felt a little better, but not completely. I searched the web for more EFT scripts and came across Carol Look. I tapped along with her to a number of her podcasts and scripts, including one about cravings, and I felt an immediate shift. It felt like something was lifted. At the time, I had a big bag of unsalted tortilla chips on my desk and I was getting ready to eat a few handfuls, even though I wasn’t hungry. Once I finished taping, my cravings went away and I was able to put the chips away without touching them. I had no desire at all to eat them! Also, my mood changed instantly. I felt much calmer and was back to my chipper self. I wondered how long it would last and to what extent it would work for me. My questions were answered once I got home.
Normally I find that my home is a serious emotional eating trigger. I find that I am eating something from the time I get home to the time my eyes close, but this time was different. For dinner, I ate a salad and a small turkey burger on one slice of bread. A few hours later I had 2 sourdough pretzels and I didn’t eat anything else. I had no desire to do so. I was totally surprised that the tapping had even worked on my night eating. I was a believer before when I could put away those chips without eating them, but now I was DEFINITELY a believer.
I decided to try it on exercise. Some months ago, I was regularly going to the gym before work, at least 3 times a week. I went on a trip for work and when I came back, I just stopped. I wanted to go, but I just couldn’t seem to get out of bed in the morning. That night I tapped on getting a good night sleep, waking up feeling refreshed and motivated to get out of bed to go exercise. The next morning when my alarm went off at 4:45 AM, not only did I wake up feeling great, but I hopped right out of bed and headed to the gym without hesitation. Unfortunately, the gym was closed due to a power outage, but no worries. I went for a walk at the park instead and managed to jog for most of the last lap. The thing is, I HAVE NEVER JOGGED. EVER. I’ve always wanted to, but found every excuse not to do it. My asthma. My boobs are too big. It isn’t good for my knees. Excuses, excuses, excuses! After tapping that night, I did it and I was so proud of myself for doing it!
Since then, it’s been a little over 2 months since I started tapping. I’ve lost 10 pounds and I’ve trimmed several inches total from my body! My clothes fit differently. My energy has increased and I am as happy as ever! At first, I made sure to tap just about every day, sometimes more than once a day, but now I don’t tap as often as when I started. I tap when I need to and it has helped substantially every time I’ve done it.
I’ve found different EFT practitioners around the web and have tapped on things like resistance to change, forgiveness, abundance affirmations, attracting money, releasing fear, trust, and more. I have gone to the gym consistently between 3 – 4 times a week. Each time, I do intervals of jogging and brisk walking, along with circuit training. I can definitely see that I am trimming down. I owe all of my current successes to EFT and for that, I am eternally grateful. I highly recommend it to everyone to try, so you will be seeing a few videos in some of my upcoming posts. Let me know how it works out for you and please be sure to share these posts with your friends.
Up next: Interview with my Big Diva Girlfirend, Goodie of Curvatude.
Negative Thoughts Are Keeping You From Succeeding
Aug 20 2010
Posted by Ms. Pillowz as Personal Development
Aka I’m Prepared? Part 2…
You build on failure. You use it as a stepping stone. Close the door on the past. You don’t try to forget the mistakes, but you don’t dwell on it. You don’t let it have any of your energy, or any of your time, or any of your space. -Johnny Cash
Space and light and order. Those are the things that men need just as much as they need bread or a place to sleep. -Le Corbusier
Your personal space says a lot about you. How you live, how you handle life. It’s a testament to how you treat your body and what you think about yourself. Your personal space says a lot.
I’ll be honest. My personal space is cluttered. I exhibit pack rat tendencies. Physically and emotionally, this is how I’ve been known to roll. I keep things. Things that don’t mean anything. Things that no longer serve a purpose in my life. Things that I think that I need, but don’t use and things that I think may come in handy later. Emotionally, it is the same thing. I keep things, defense mechanisms that I don’t need, fears that do me no good, guilt for things that have long since been paid for, unwarranted shame, and built up anger. In both cases, I can say that I am not a candidate for Hoarders on Bravo. My “house” is neat, it’s all organized confusion, an oxymoron if there ever was one. I buy plastic containers, pretty boxes, and tall shelves to provide additional storage options, but let’s face it. No matter how or where things are stored, it is still clutter and it isn’t good to keep. Clutter of any kind blocks energy flow, creativity, focus, and blessings. I’ve started on the good foot so many times.
I’ve made changes. I’ve lost weight. I’ve cleaned up, but as my house reflects, I have not truly released things. Therefore, the changes that I’ve made revert back to my default. The weight that was lost finds its way back. The creative flow and productivity comes to a halt and things return to a disorganized state. How am I back here? It’s like a boomerang. You can throw it far, but it always comes back. Forward progress is good. Actually, it’s great. Who in their “right mind” wants to go back? Notice that “right mind” is in bold. In order to keep moving forward, your mind has to be right.
How many cases have you seen where someone has lost weight in some dramatic way, (pills, a fad diet, surgery), and after losing tens to hundreds of pounds, they eventually gain back the weight? What about all of those people who’ve won millions from the lottery only to end up totally broke in a matter of years? Their minds weren’t right. Their houses weren’t in order. It was filled with the clutter of their negative beliefs that got them to where they were to begin with: overweight, broke, lonely, unhappy, or depressed or all of the above. They weren’t prepared and neither was I. So, how could any of us expect lasting change? I’m curious to know your thoughts.
To be continued…
I was sent on a work related assignment to California, the OC – (Orange County) to be exact. Everyone that I told was super excited for me. They know that I love to travel. One of my goals is to visit every state, so I would finally be able to cross Cali off of my list. As a matter of fact, I had not gone farther than Texas, so I would be able to say that I’ve travelled from coast to coast.
When I first heard that I would be going, I was pretty nervous. I had no idea what to expect. I mean, it’s the OC for goodness sakes. Wasn’t there a show on tv of the same name? Any and everything that I’ve ever seen or heard about Cali is that everyone is tiny, blond, shallow, and has fake body parts. In my mind, this definitely wasn’t a Big Diva friendly place at all. The worst case scenario is that I would be looked at and treated like Shrek.
Do you see what I did here? Based on fictional movies and shows, I was bracing myself. I was developing the chip on my shoulder. I WAS CREATING THE INTENTION! (Law of Attraction). My assumption that everyone in the LA /OC area was or wanted to look like a stuck up Barbie doll caused me to think that they would look down their noses at me.
One of the big problems with this is that it puts you on the defensive. You’ve trained your mind to focus on negative occurences only. Everything negative that happens can ONLY happen because you are fat, a woman, a minority, are short, are physically impaired or whatever. If you’re not able to get a table at the Ivy in 5 minutes with no reservation, it can only be because you’re fat, not because eating here without a reservation is damn near impossible since it’s a very busy place all of the time. Being told that the club is not admitting any more patrons has to be because they are discriminating against you, not because the club is already past fire hazard level. The guy you were flirting with didn’t want to give you his number. Your first thought is that he’s probably racist. It never occurred to you that he has a girlfriend already or that he might not be into girls.
In all three of these examples, you’ve created the intention that there is negativity directed at you. As a result, you act accordingly. You may be sad, because you think that people are being mean to you. You snap at people, because you’re angry. You let these things affect your day / night, and that in turn taints your attitude and your behavior. Notice how from that point on, everything goes wrong. pantyhose get a run in them, you break a nail, you trip, etc. It’s like a domino effect!
I admit, I too am guilty of doing this. Sometimes when I go to certain type of events or venues, I think that I am not going to get any attention because of my weight. I create this intention and sure enough, my thought comes true: no attention. However, it’s not necessarily because of my weight, but because I act up. I’m not smiling, nor am I dancing and having a good time. I’m mean mugging something serious , so I don’t appear to be approachable, and I am searching for anyone who might be talking smack or looking at me weird. Who wants to talk to a chick like that? Regardless of how she looked, the answer would be no one. Any time that I have gone out and remained open minded, smiled, and left my prejudgements and negative intentions at home, I’ve had much better experiences.
I thought that I would hate LA and would be itching to get back home. I totally didn’t expect it to be a place of very friendly and laid back people and beautiful landscapes. Some guy in Hollywood even tried to holla. lol Shocking! :p So thank you, Cali, for reminding me to smile and not be so defensive. It is not important to fit in, but it is important to be a confortable and confident you! Get comfortable in your skin. Trust me when I tell you that being open, confident, and approachable is a game changer. People do notice these things. They are curious as to your source of happiness and joy.
Keep in mind that they’re going to be people who may look at you funny or have something negative to say, but don’t focus your attention on them and their hateful ways. They’ve got bigger problems than you or I have time to deal with, plus they aren’t worth the energy. Focus on the positive and enjoy your life. You’ll be a much better person for it. 
Is this thing on?
There are some things right now that are going on in my personal life that are causing me to open my eyes, ask questions of myself, and reevaluate some things. In my advice to others, I feel like I need to take it myself sometimes, so I wanted to write about it. This post may even seem a bit choppy or weird, almost like a diary, and for that I apologize, but this post is from the heart, so I hope that you cut me some slack.
“Don’t Make Assumptions. Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.” -Miguel Angel Ruiz
“Dear Universe,I finally realize what you’ve been trying to tell me. All of these things going on around me have made it crystal clear. I am listening and I’ve heard you. Changes are coming soon. Peace and Blessings…” – Me (Ms. Pillowz)
“If you don’t design your own life plan, chances are, you’ll fall into someone else’s plan. And guess what they have planned for you? Not much.” – Jim Rohn
The fourth month of the new year is just beginning, but now is still a great time to talk about goals. I actually had another post planned before this one, but this is SO important to discuss. This may end up being a series that gets updated or revisited from time to time.
Some of you may be saying, “She’s all late and wrong. I made my New Years Resolutions like 4 months ago. How is she gonna come in here talking about goals now?” Two things: One- new Years Resolutions are not goals and two- month four just started. How are your resolutions holding up? Broken yet or just about broken? Hmm… What’s with the silence? *wink*
It’s still pretty early in the year, you still have 8 months to go after all, so I figured that it was still a good time to write your goals, (for those who haven’t), or write them the right way, (for those who did resolutions).
After the wishes are made, people wing it and hope for the best. “This is my last pack of ciggies and then I’m going cold turkey.” “I will only eat vegetables and drink water for the rest of my life. Yeah… I’ll be skinny in no time.” “I’m cutting up all of my credit cards. That should keep me from spending.” Clearly, all of these are pretty extreme. They are desperate plans: not well thought out or realistic.
A goal, on the other hand, is more defined. It is something that was thought out in great detail. There is a workable plan involved. A GOOD goal includes EXACTLY what you want, what you hope to get by achieving it, and is something that pushes you, but is achievable.
Show measurement – You have to be able to measure your goal. What does achievement look like? Pounds. Inches. Time. Distance. Something. There has to be a way of determining whether or not you achieved the goal. The above goal, “be healthy” or “lose weight” is not measurable. A goal to lose 10 pounds by June of this year is measurable and specific.
In the coming weeks, we’ll talk more about goals, including some tips to help you achieve them. Be sure to let me know what you think about this post and feel free to share one or two of your SMART goals.
You know what they say: New year, new beginning! Out with the old and in with the new: new attitude, new good habits, new relationships, new experiences. It’s time to reassess the things that happened last year and make a plan for what you want to happen in the new year. It’s time to move forward.
Before the end of the year, I heard so many people say that they could not wait for 2009 to be over. Here’s an example of some of the complaints:
- This was such a horrible year. I’m 37 and still unmarried, all of the good guys are taken or dead.
- I lost my job.
- My neighbor and I aren’t speaking ever since he parked in a spot that I shoveled out from under 2 feet of snow.
- My kids are so bad; and the list continues.
A new year + a fresh start + new goals + new hopes + the SAME PERSON, (dragging baggage, negativity, and all) = THE SAME EXPERIENCES! Everything in that equation is new, except the person. Did you notice that? A change of scenery, a new job, a new significant other, a new whatever is not going to change anyone’s life unless some changes are made internally.
Every year, many of us start out with resolutions. You know the main ones: lose weight, exercise more, get organized / declutter, cut back on spending and save more money, quit smoking and / or drinking, and get out more and enjoy life. It’s a great idea, but most resolutions don’t last. That is because most people don’t bother to make any internal changes, which could help to make lasting positive external changes.
Long lasting change starts with an HONEST assessment of yourself to figure out where there are blockages. These blockages may require forgiveness and letting go. We’ll go deeper into that in another post.
So for now, shift your focus from the negative aspect of last year to the positive. Look at some of your complaints and search for the positive in them. Let’s take a couple of the complaints from above: “I’m 37 and still unmarried, all of the good guys are taken or dead.” We can flip this to a positive by saying, “I am grateful for being single last year. It gave me time to focus on my children. It allowed me to work on myself, tend to my needs, and helped prepare me for a positive relationship in the future. Now, I am ready to get out there and find my partner.” That is a good starting point, and from there you can figure out how you are going to do that.
Another complaint mentioned above was the loss of a job. That complaint could be flipped by saying, “I may not have been ready to lose my job, but I am strong and am sure that I will come out on top. I know that all things happen for a reason and in the right time. I have faith that everything will work out just fine. I can use this time to work on my career goals. There are so many things that I can do with this time to cultivate my other interests and skills. I have it in me to dig deep and prosper.” So many people have used this time to take classes, change their career focus to another industry, and even start their own businesses.
What were some of the complaints that you made at the start of the year and how can you flip them into the positive? You still have time to change your focus and change direction of your new year. I guarantee that!
In the coming blog posts this month and next, we’ll talk about personal responsibility, forgiveness and letting go, goal setting, money, the importance of water, the power of affirmations, and more. I’ll share with you the bloggers that have helped me along my journey to Big Divadom with the hopes that they, too, can help you. I’ll also be introducing exercises, homework assignments, and my 30 day experiments. This is going to be a big year for BDHq!! Be here and present!
Ahh youth… Such a wonderful thing. I’m here to tell all of you spring chickens to take note. Cherish your youth! Revel in it, enjoy it, appreciate it, LOVE IT!! Things change when you get older.
I used to laugh when my mom and my aunts would warn my sister and I about the changes they had gone through with aging. Now, everyday I am reminded of what they were saying. I’m in my 30s and I deal with aging on such a small scale compared to others. Even though I have just a few gray hairs and no wrinkles, I can still tell that I’m going through changes. Not THE change, (menopause), but changes. lol
Some examples:
Here’s more:
I tell you this, because when you’re young, you don’t think about how your body will change. You don’t appreciate your body at all. You pick, prod, poke, and complain. You stand in the mirror hating the way it looks and wishing it was more like *insert celebrity’s name here*. You spend your time hiding your body, not realizing that one day it will be different. You have children, your metabolism slows down, gravity takes it’s toll, and / or life happens.
i will realize that everyone jiggles. EVERYONE. thigh jigglies, stomach jigglies, arm jigglies, EVERYONE JIGGLES. i am not the only one, and i should not shake my pooch and then count the seconds, mesmerized, until the jiggling stops… this body is my body, and it is a blessing. i will appreciate it for what it is, reward its strengths, accept its shortcomings. i will strive to wake up each morning feeling good about myself and thanking it, and god, for all it has done for me, today and in the days to come. – Oh Honey. No.
Second one:
My shape is unique to me, and is not meant to look like anyone else. There is no “perfect” shape, and there never will be. The human race will not eventually conform to one appropriate body type, so neither should I. Energy spent on “if I were only”s will always have been better spent elsewhere. My thighs are not a curse, they are a reminder that I am strong. My soft stomach is not a sign of sloth and gluttony, it’s a sign of fair hedonism and proof that enjoying life is not less important than being “beautiful” in the eyes of the media.
I will not hold myself back from trying things because I’m worried about how my body will look or act. I will not skip dessert solely because I do not want the calories. I will treat my body as a temple, and there’s no rule that says “No Dessert in the Temple.” I will exercise my body because it needs it to function well, not so I can look like someone else, or obtain someone else’s figure. – The Demoiselles
So stand up and say this out loud like you mean it!
I AM PERFECT NOW! MY BODY IS PERFECT NOW! I LOVE MY BODY!
