You build on failure. You use it as a stepping stone. Close the door on the past. You don’t try to forget the mistakes, but you don’t dwell on it. You don’t let it have any of your energy, or any of your time, or any of your space. -Johnny Cash
Space and light and order. Those are the things that men need just as much as they need bread or a place to sleep. -Le Corbusier
Your personal space says a lot about you. How you live, how you handle life. It’s a testament to how you treat your body and what you think about yourself. Your personal space says a lot.
I’ll be honest. My personal space is cluttered. I exhibit pack rat tendencies. Physically and emotionally, this is how I’ve been known to roll. I keep things. Things that don’t mean anything. Things that no longer serve a purpose in my life. Things that I think that I need, but don’t use and things that I think may come in handy later. Emotionally, it is the same thing. I keep things, defense mechanisms that I don’t need, fears that do me no good, guilt for things that have long since been paid for, unwarranted shame, and built up anger. In both cases, I can say that I am not a candidate for Hoarders on Bravo. My “house” is neat, it’s all organized confusion, an oxymoron if there ever was one. I buy plastic containers, pretty boxes, and tall shelves to provide additional storage options, but let’s face it. No matter how or where things are stored, it is still clutter and it isn’t good to keep. Clutter of any kind blocks energy flow, creativity, focus, and blessings. I’ve started on the good foot so many times.
I’ve made changes. I’ve lost weight. I’ve cleaned up, but as my house reflects, I have not truly released things. Therefore, the changes that I’ve made revert back to my default. The weight that was lost finds its way back. The creative flow and productivity comes to a halt and things return to a disorganized state. How am I back here? It’s like a boomerang. You can throw it far, but it always comes back. Forward progress is good. Actually, it’s great. Who in their “right mind” wants to go back? Notice that “right mind” is in bold. In order to keep moving forward, your mind has to be right.
How many cases have you seen where someone has lost weight in some dramatic way, (pills, a fad diet, surgery), and after losing tens to hundreds of pounds, they eventually gain back the weight? What about all of those people who’ve won millions from the lottery only to end up totally broke in a matter of years? Their minds weren’t right. Their houses weren’t in order. It was filled with the clutter of their negative beliefs that got them to where they were to begin with: overweight, broke, lonely, unhappy, or depressed or all of the above. They weren’t prepared and neither was I. So, how could any of us expect lasting change? I’m curious to know your thoughts.
To be continued…
I was sent on a work related assignment to California, the OC – (Orange County) to be exact. Everyone that I told was super excited for me. They know that I love to travel. One of my goals is to visit every state, so I would finally be able to cross Cali off of my list. As a matter of fact, I had not gone farther than Texas, so I would be able to say that I’ve travelled from coast to coast.
When I first heard that I would be going, I was pretty nervous. I had no idea what to expect. I mean, it’s the OC for goodness sakes. Wasn’t there a show on tv of the same name? Any and everything that I’ve ever seen or heard about Cali is that everyone is tiny, blond, shallow, and has fake body parts. In my mind, this definitely wasn’t a Big Diva friendly place at all. The worst case scenario is that I would be looked at and treated like Shrek.
Do you see what I did here? Based on fictional movies and shows, I was bracing myself. I was developing the chip on my shoulder. I WAS CREATING THE INTENTION! (Law of Attraction). My assumption that everyone in the LA /OC area was or wanted to look like a stuck up Barbie doll caused me to think that they would look down their noses at me.
One of the big problems with this is that it puts you on the defensive. You’ve trained your mind to focus on negative occurences only. Everything negative that happens can ONLY happen because you are fat, a woman, a minority, are short, are physically impaired or whatever. If you’re not able to get a table at the Ivy in 5 minutes with no reservation, it can only be because you’re fat, not because eating here without a reservation is damn near impossible since it’s a very busy place all of the time. Being told that the club is not admitting any more patrons has to be because they are discriminating against you, not because the club is already past fire hazard level. The guy you were flirting with didn’t want to give you his number. Your first thought is that he’s probably racist. It never occurred to you that he has a girlfriend already or that he might not be into girls.
In all three of these examples, you’ve created the intention that there is negativity directed at you. As a result, you act accordingly. You may be sad, because you think that people are being mean to you. You snap at people, because you’re angry. You let these things affect your day / night, and that in turn taints your attitude and your behavior. Notice how from that point on, everything goes wrong. pantyhose get a run in them, you break a nail, you trip, etc. It’s like a domino effect!
I admit, I too am guilty of doing this. Sometimes when I go to certain type of events or venues, I think that I am not going to get any attention because of my weight. I create this intention and sure enough, my thought comes true: no attention. However, it’s not necessarily because of my weight, but because I act up. I’m not smiling, nor am I dancing and having a good time. I’m mean mugging something serious , so I don’t appear to be approachable, and I am searching for anyone who might be talking smack or looking at me weird. Who wants to talk to a chick like that? Regardless of how she looked, the answer would be no one. Any time that I have gone out and remained open minded, smiled, and left my prejudgements and negative intentions at home, I’ve had much better experiences.
I thought that I would hate LA and would be itching to get back home. I totally didn’t expect it to be a place of very friendly and laid back people and beautiful landscapes. Some guy in Hollywood even tried to holla. lol Shocking! :p So thank you, Cali, for reminding me to smile and not be so defensive. It is not important to fit in, but it is important to be a confortable and confident you! Get comfortable in your skin. Trust me when I tell you that being open, confident, and approachable is a game changer. People do notice these things. They are curious as to your source of happiness and joy.
Keep in mind that they’re going to be people who may look at you funny or have something negative to say, but don’t focus your attention on them and their hateful ways. They’ve got bigger problems than you or I have time to deal with, plus they aren’t worth the energy. Focus on the positive and enjoy your life. You’ll be a much better person for it. 
Is this thing on?
There are some things right now that are going on in my personal life that are causing me to open my eyes, ask questions of myself, and reevaluate some things. In my advice to others, I feel like I need to take it myself sometimes, so I wanted to write about it. This post may even seem a bit choppy or weird, almost like a diary, and for that I apologize, but this post is from the heart, so I hope that you cut me some slack.
“Don’t Make Assumptions. Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.” -Miguel Angel Ruiz
“Dear Universe,I finally realize what you’ve been trying to tell me. All of these things going on around me have made it crystal clear. I am listening and I’ve heard you. Changes are coming soon. Peace and Blessings…” – Me (Ms. Pillowz)
“If you don’t design your own life plan, chances are, you’ll fall into someone else’s plan. And guess what they have planned for you? Not much.” – Jim Rohn
The fourth month of the new year is just beginning, but now is still a great time to talk about goals. I actually had another post planned before this one, but this is SO important to discuss. This may end up being a series that gets updated or revisited from time to time.
Some of you may be saying, “She’s all late and wrong. I made my New Years Resolutions like 4 months ago. How is she gonna come in here talking about goals now?” Two things: One- new Years Resolutions are not goals and two- month four just started. How are your resolutions holding up? Broken yet or just about broken? Hmm… What’s with the silence? *wink*
It’s still pretty early in the year, you still have 8 months to go after all, so I figured that it was still a good time to write your goals, (for those who haven’t), or write them the right way, (for those who did resolutions).
After the wishes are made, people wing it and hope for the best. “This is my last pack of ciggies and then I’m going cold turkey.” “I will only eat vegetables and drink water for the rest of my life. Yeah… I’ll be skinny in no time.” “I’m cutting up all of my credit cards. That should keep me from spending.” Clearly, all of these are pretty extreme. They are desperate plans: not well thought out or realistic.
A goal, on the other hand, is more defined. It is something that was thought out in great detail. There is a workable plan involved. A GOOD goal includes EXACTLY what you want, what you hope to get by achieving it, and is something that pushes you, but is achievable.
Show measurement – You have to be able to measure your goal. What does achievement look like? Pounds. Inches. Time. Distance. Something. There has to be a way of determining whether or not you achieved the goal. The above goal, “be healthy” or “lose weight” is not measurable. A goal to lose 10 pounds by June of this year is measurable and specific.
In the coming weeks, we’ll talk more about goals, including some tips to help you achieve them. Be sure to let me know what you think about this post and feel free to share one or two of your SMART goals.
You know what they say: New year, new beginning! Out with the old and in with the new: new attitude, new good habits, new relationships, new experiences. It’s time to reassess the things that happened last year and make a plan for what you want to happen in the new year. It’s time to move forward.
Before the end of the year, I heard so many people say that they could not wait for 2009 to be over. Here’s an example of some of the complaints:
- This was such a horrible year. I’m 37 and still unmarried, all of the good guys are taken or dead.
- I lost my job.
- My neighbor and I aren’t speaking ever since he parked in a spot that I shoveled out from under 2 feet of snow.
- My kids are so bad; and the list continues.
A new year + a fresh start + new goals + new hopes + the SAME PERSON, (dragging baggage, negativity, and all) = THE SAME EXPERIENCES! Everything in that equation is new, except the person. Did you notice that? A change of scenery, a new job, a new significant other, a new whatever is not going to change anyone’s life unless some changes are made internally.
Every year, many of us start out with resolutions. You know the main ones: lose weight, exercise more, get organized / declutter, cut back on spending and save more money, quit smoking and / or drinking, and get out more and enjoy life. It’s a great idea, but most resolutions don’t last. That is because most people don’t bother to make any internal changes, which could help to make lasting positive external changes.
Long lasting change starts with an HONEST assessment of yourself to figure out where there are blockages. These blockages may require forgiveness and letting go. We’ll go deeper into that in another post.
So for now, shift your focus from the negative aspect of last year to the positive. Look at some of your complaints and search for the positive in them. Let’s take a couple of the complaints from above: “I’m 37 and still unmarried, all of the good guys are taken or dead.” We can flip this to a positive by saying, “I am grateful for being single last year. It gave me time to focus on my children. It allowed me to work on myself, tend to my needs, and helped prepare me for a positive relationship in the future. Now, I am ready to get out there and find my partner.” That is a good starting point, and from there you can figure out how you are going to do that.
Another complaint mentioned above was the loss of a job. That complaint could be flipped by saying, “I may not have been ready to lose my job, but I am strong and am sure that I will come out on top. I know that all things happen for a reason and in the right time. I have faith that everything will work out just fine. I can use this time to work on my career goals. There are so many things that I can do with this time to cultivate my other interests and skills. I have it in me to dig deep and prosper.” So many people have used this time to take classes, change their career focus to another industry, and even start their own businesses.
What were some of the complaints that you made at the start of the year and how can you flip them into the positive? You still have time to change your focus and change direction of your new year. I guarantee that!
In the coming blog posts this month and next, we’ll talk about personal responsibility, forgiveness and letting go, goal setting, money, the importance of water, the power of affirmations, and more. I’ll share with you the bloggers that have helped me along my journey to Big Divadom with the hopes that they, too, can help you. I’ll also be introducing exercises, homework assignments, and my 30 day experiments. This is going to be a big year for BDHq!! Be here and present!
Ahh youth… Such a wonderful thing. I’m here to tell all of you spring chickens to take note. Cherish your youth! Revel in it, enjoy it, appreciate it, LOVE IT!! Things change when you get older.
I used to laugh when my mom and my aunts would warn my sister and I about the changes they had gone through with aging. Now, everyday I am reminded of what they were saying. I’m in my 30s and I deal with aging on such a small scale compared to others. Even though I have just a few gray hairs and no wrinkles, I can still tell that I’m going through changes. Not THE change, (menopause), but changes. lol
Some examples:
Here’s more:
I tell you this, because when you’re young, you don’t think about how your body will change. You don’t appreciate your body at all. You pick, prod, poke, and complain. You stand in the mirror hating the way it looks and wishing it was more like *insert celebrity’s name here*. You spend your time hiding your body, not realizing that one day it will be different. You have children, your metabolism slows down, gravity takes it’s toll, and / or life happens.
i will realize that everyone jiggles. EVERYONE. thigh jigglies, stomach jigglies, arm jigglies, EVERYONE JIGGLES. i am not the only one, and i should not shake my pooch and then count the seconds, mesmerized, until the jiggling stops… this body is my body, and it is a blessing. i will appreciate it for what it is, reward its strengths, accept its shortcomings. i will strive to wake up each morning feeling good about myself and thanking it, and god, for all it has done for me, today and in the days to come. – Oh Honey. No.
Second one:
My shape is unique to me, and is not meant to look like anyone else. There is no “perfect” shape, and there never will be. The human race will not eventually conform to one appropriate body type, so neither should I. Energy spent on “if I were only”s will always have been better spent elsewhere. My thighs are not a curse, they are a reminder that I am strong. My soft stomach is not a sign of sloth and gluttony, it’s a sign of fair hedonism and proof that enjoying life is not less important than being “beautiful” in the eyes of the media.
I will not hold myself back from trying things because I’m worried about how my body will look or act. I will not skip dessert solely because I do not want the calories. I will treat my body as a temple, and there’s no rule that says “No Dessert in the Temple.” I will exercise my body because it needs it to function well, not so I can look like someone else, or obtain someone else’s figure. – The Demoiselles
So stand up and say this out loud like you mean it!
I AM PERFECT NOW! MY BODY IS PERFECT NOW! I LOVE MY BODY!
The Whales Are Out Tonight! (No Shade)
Dec 07 2009
Posted by Ms. Pillowz as Lesson Learned, Personal Development
“The Philly whales are out in full force tonight…lol.”
”I will not be attending any parties thrown by company name, because there seems to be a problem with big girls in attendance. My money and I will party where we’re both truly welcomed.”
I’m a big girl and and I took no offense. It’s your page and you can say whatever you want. If the “whales” don’t like it, f*** them and they can bounce.
How a Drive By Changed My Life – Conclusion
Dec 04 2009
Posted by Ms. Pillowz as Lesson Learned, Personal Development
I knew that I didn’t totally want to lose that fire that I felt right afterwards, but I was fading fast. Indecision, lack of direction, and not accomplishing any goals was sucking the motivation right out of me. One day at work, somehow I found Oprah’s The Secret episodes. I had heard about The Secret before and even bought the audiobook a couple years ago. I found the music and the Australian accent distracting, so I never finished it. I don’t think that I was truly ready to hear the message at that time.
I watched both episodes as well as her after show specials, and something clicked. The points that the authors made resonated with me completely. Her guests included James Ray, Lisa Nichols, Dr. Michael Beckwith, Jack Canfield, along with Rhonda Byrne, the author. I scoured Youtube looking for videos by them. (I’ll be sure to post a few later.)
The gist of the show was that my thoughts, conscious and unconscious, were creating my reality. I could see that. An example would be whenever I set my mind to something, opportunities would come out of the woodworks. Then I would say to myself that I was not good enough to get it done and I wouldn’t do it.
A couple weeks later, an I-Tunes update popped up on my screen. I don’t typically use I-Tunes, but I decided to see what it was about. I found a ton of FREE podcasts with interviews from many of The Secret guests. I also found Law of Attraction related podcasts as well as podcasts about hypnosis, detoxification, Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), weight loss, goal setting and achievement, Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP), affirmations, meditations, and the power of gratitude. I listened to different ones every day for weeks. My mind was opened up to a ton of new ideas that I began incorporating into my life.
Since then, things have really shifted. I have even more confidence now. I’ve learned and fully accepted my purpose. Before, I never really made goals that I’ve stuck with. I’ve waivered on them, which is why it was difficult to see any achievement on the few long term goals that I set. I’ve since set goals for almost every area of my life: health and fitness, career, relationship and family, financial, legacy, personal, and recreation. (I’ve included an interview with Jack Canfield, one of my absolute favorite contributors to The Secret, at the end of this post.)
The reason I chose to share this story was to hopefully light a fire within you. You don’t have to wait until some kind of near death experience to change the direction of your life. Don’t wait until you can’t do any of the things that you’ve always wanted to do. Don’t wait, because tomorrow is not promised to you. Besides death, accidents, debilitating illnesses, financial emergencies, fear, and other circumstances can change the game for anyone. Don’t wait. You only have one shot at this life. Don’t waste it!
I have to apologize. Not only do I owe you the conclusion to a story, but I owe you a better effort to keep posts consistent. I haven’t posted in a month of Sundays. *Sidebar: Can someone please tell me where the that saying came from?* I digress.
I had this laundry list of the reasons that I haven’t posted in so long, but I balled it up and threw it away. I don’t necessarily want to focus on falling off the saddle except to acknowledge it and apologize for doing so. I’m not even going to say that it won’t happen again, because that would be a lie and it is important for me to be honest with you. I can, however, say that I hope that it won’t happen again.
Instead, I’d like to focus on the blessing or the silver lining. Through not posting, I realize how many people read and enjoy my posts despite the lack of posting comments. The other positve is that I have come to know that a part of me that I’d hoped was gone is not.
Since high school, I had this tendency that when things were going well: diets, exercise programs, schedules that I set for studying, things that I set up to correct a behavior, something within me had other ideas. It would throw a monkey wrench in my spokes and sabotage everything. It was completel out of control. The motivation and encouragement that I had to continue the good things that I was doing would suddenly disappear and turn into this bored and lazy attitude. Then things would go back to the usual. I’d go back to eating like before, quit exercising, and then gain back every pound that I’d lost. My studies fell off and my goals would be left unachieved. I didn’t understand what it was in the beginning. I thought that there was something wrong with me and that no one else had this issue. Turns out that I was wrong.
I’m not sure why, but I noticed it a lot less these past few years. Since so many great things have been happening lately, I thought that it was a thing of the past, but it has creeped back into the picture. To be totally honest, I’m not sure that it ever left. *sigh* This is so frustrating. I don’t know why the self sabotage is happening. Maybe it is fear of change or of being successful. Maybe it is just about remaining comfortable. Maybe it is my subconscious playing a preprogrammed and out of date tape. Whatever it is, knowing that it is still there is a blessing.
I firmly believe that I have what it takes to acheive all of my goals and be succesfull. I believe that I can have the life that I want down to the type of rims I want on my car, but if there are some things in my subconscious that I don’t deal with, then either it will be much harder to fight with myself to acheive my goals and / or my successes will slip right through my fingers.
Acknowledgment is the first step to dealing with any issues and now that I have acknowledged the self sabotage, I am prepared to get back in the saddle and find a solution to deal with it and not let it hinder me any further. I will keep you updated on my findings and I will also be posting the conclusion to “How a Drive By Changed My Life” very soon. Thank you for sticking around! I hope that all of you had an wonderful Thanksgiving holiday!
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