BIG ANNOUNCEMENT!
So, I got engaged!!!
I can’t tell you how happy I am to have found someone who is so wonderful to me. He treats me like the Big Diva Queen that I am. lol I’m elated yet in disbelief that I am engaged. One minute I had a boyfriend, then he went and did that one knee and ring thing and now I have a fiance’. Damn! It happened so quick!
I have to admit that even though we intend to have a long engagement, (year or 2 max), I am nervous. You see, I know how to do me all day on the solo tip. Sure, I’ve dabbled in the minor leagues and been hanging around training camps. This right here though? The majors, baby, and I’m a rookie.
Through the years, I’ve pined for a relationship, endured sketchy dating incidents and situations, and sometimes laid in bed at night crying about being lonely and single. That got tiring, so I read some books, worked on me, bolstered my self esteem, took solo trips, developed more interests, and got comfortable with me. I used that solo time to learn who I am and what I wanted. Of course, I developed the typical single lifestyle. I did what I wanted when I wanted without having to discuss it with anyone first or ask permission or whatever. If the urge hit me, I’d drop money and head to Puerto Rico by myself the next month.
Then I got into a relationship and it is unlike anything that I’ve ever experienced. It’s not that the others weren’t serious. Some were, but this is my first real relationship at a point in my life where I’m one with me. I’m at a point where I’m comfortable in my skin, where I truly feel happy and where I honestly know my worth. I was a people pleaser. I was so happy to be with someone that I went put up with crap and went along with things that didn’t sit well with me. As arrogant as this may sound to some of you, I dated people who weren’t on my level. They truly weren’t worthy.
However, with this relationship, I’m more open and honest than ever. I find that I’ve opened up to him about things without hesitation. He didn’t even have to ask. I found myself telling him some of my “not my finest hour” moments. You know… the skeletons long since forgotten in the back of the closet but are still stinking up the joint. lol My mouth would be moving and my brain would be saying, “Shut the hell up! Why are you telling him these things?!”. I’d close my eyes, say what I had to say, and then wait for him to get upset or have some kind of negative reaction, which he never did. He always had something wise to say.
What makes me nervous is that I have been lightly pushed into a territory to which I’m not accustomed. Before I make weekend plans, I check with him. When I buy groceries, I have to be considerate of the things that he eats. I buy more meat than I ever have and I’m not a coffee drinker, but now find myself pricing coffee makers. I don’t randomly extend my work trips like I used to do. I give up my side of the bed when he comes over, but not without a fight. lol I’ve cleaned and purged my belongings to make more room in my life and home for him. I know that this is all part of the plan and to be totally honest, this is small fries compared to what is coming. There is the task of merging of finances, goals, families, and belongings. Actually, the belongings are easy; His stuff goes. :p Ok, ok, that wouldn’t be fair, but the idea that I might have to switch out my sage shower curtain for his underwater goldfish is hurting my soul. lol
The next thing to come is the dreaded “We”. You’ve heard how couples use it. ”We love candles.” ”We’re so glad you could make it.” ”We support this cause.” ”We’re pregnant!” WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!!! Did I type that for real? Ay chihuahua!!! Anyway, you get my point. Maybe I’m being ridiculous… I don’t know. This is just a really interesting time in my life right now. I am unsure of what will come, but knowing that I have an understanding, logical, reasonable, and supportive fiance’ gives me comfort that it will all turn out just fine. :-)
I’ve had the idea to write a post about you after reading, http://fatfu.wordpress.com/2010/02/02/the-kitty-who-taught-this-fatass-how-to-love/ by Meowser. Even though you’re gone now, it’s never too late to write about what a joy you were.
Find more RAHSAAN PATTERSON songs at Myspace Music
I know. I know. It’s been a minute. No. Maybe not a minute. More like an hour. Or two. Or maybe more. I don’t know, but I’m here now. I took a sabbatical from blogging for a while. So many things have been going on with me that I just didn’t have it in me to post a little something.
Work has been the main reason that I took off. I travel a lot with my job. In May, for example, I was home for only 1.5 weeks out of the 4.5 weeks. Basically, I spent 75% of the month on the road. While I do love travelling and getting a chance to see places that I may not normally see on my own dime, I find it to be quite taxing. It is definitely time consuming with the prep work, work during the trip and then the follow up work afterwards. It is also taxing to the body. Lugging suitcases and briefcases. Travelling through time zones. Jet lag and so on. It’s tiring!! I get home and want to fall out! My travel schedule has since slowed down for the next couple months, so I have a little bit more time and energy.
The other thing is that I have a boyfriend now. With my travel schedule, I really have to work harder to fit in quality time with him. The relationship isn’t really new, (7 months), but it still feels new since I haven’t been around a lot. We’re still settling into our “routine”, whatever it may be. I still want to be all up in his face and he wants to read and play Angry Birds. God, that game is SOOO addictive and killing my QT! lol I digress. I think that during my travel time off, we can find what works for us and get more comfortable with being around each other without having to account for every second together. Well, that’s what I hope. We shall see.
The bottomline is that I’m back…for now. Shout out to my Voice of Reason for your advice yesterday about the blog. I’ve missed it and I’ve miss my readers too. See you soon with the next post!
My Personal Testimonial for the Wonders of EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique)
After reading a blog post from my tweep, @MsJayye, about clutter, I was inspired to write a post, so I started doing research about the psychological aspect of clutter. That’s when I came across a podcast by Teresa Lee, “The Tapping Lady”. On her page, there were 3 podcasts about EFT and weight loss. She talked about how she used EFT to clear her negative beliefs. As a result, she lost 50 pounds and cured herself of fibromyalgia and other ailments.
I’ve heard of the technique before, but didn’t think it really worked. I thought about how all things happen for a reason and that finding her page probably wasn’t an accident. I decided to be open minded and gave it a try. You can listen to the posts here:
I listened to her and tried a few of her suggestions. I noticed that I felt a little better, but not completely. I searched the web for more EFT scripts and came across Carol Look. I tapped along with her to a number of her podcasts and scripts, including one about cravings, and I felt an immediate shift. It felt like something was lifted. At the time, I had a big bag of unsalted tortilla chips on my desk and I was getting ready to eat a few handfuls, even though I wasn’t hungry. Once I finished taping, my cravings went away and I was able to put the chips away without touching them. I had no desire at all to eat them! Also, my mood changed instantly. I felt much calmer and was back to my chipper self. I wondered how long it would last and to what extent it would work for me. My questions were answered once I got home.
Normally I find that my home is a serious emotional eating trigger. I find that I am eating something from the time I get home to the time my eyes close, but this time was different. For dinner, I ate a salad and a small turkey burger on one slice of bread. A few hours later I had 2 sourdough pretzels and I didn’t eat anything else. I had no desire to do so. I was totally surprised that the tapping had even worked on my night eating. I was a believer before when I could put away those chips without eating them, but now I was DEFINITELY a believer.
I decided to try it on exercise. Some months ago, I was regularly going to the gym before work, at least 3 times a week. I went on a trip for work and when I came back, I just stopped. I wanted to go, but I just couldn’t seem to get out of bed in the morning. That night I tapped on getting a good night sleep, waking up feeling refreshed and motivated to get out of bed to go exercise. The next morning when my alarm went off at 4:45 AM, not only did I wake up feeling great, but I hopped right out of bed and headed to the gym without hesitation. Unfortunately, the gym was closed due to a power outage, but no worries. I went for a walk at the park instead and managed to jog for most of the last lap. The thing is, I HAVE NEVER JOGGED. EVER. I’ve always wanted to, but found every excuse not to do it. My asthma. My boobs are too big. It isn’t good for my knees. Excuses, excuses, excuses! After tapping that night, I did it and I was so proud of myself for doing it!
Since then, it’s been a little over 2 months since I started tapping. I’ve lost 10 pounds and I’ve trimmed several inches total from my body! My clothes fit differently. My energy has increased and I am as happy as ever! At first, I made sure to tap just about every day, sometimes more than once a day, but now I don’t tap as often as when I started. I tap when I need to and it has helped substantially every time I’ve done it.
I’ve found different EFT practitioners around the web and have tapped on things like resistance to change, forgiveness, abundance affirmations, attracting money, releasing fear, trust, and more. I have gone to the gym consistently between 3 – 4 times a week. Each time, I do intervals of jogging and brisk walking, along with circuit training. I can definitely see that I am trimming down. I owe all of my current successes to EFT and for that, I am eternally grateful. I highly recommend it to everyone to try, so you will be seeing a few videos in some of my upcoming posts. Let me know how it works out for you and please be sure to share these posts with your friends.
Up next: Interview with my Big Diva Girlfirend, Goodie of Curvatude.
We’re going down memory lane here at Big Diva Headquarters. This segment is where we spotlight one of our archived posts. As always, feel free to comment and share with your friends. Who knows? You may even see your comment included here. Be blessed!
Post of the Hour: I’m Ready to Die
About: A message about taking a leap of faith.
Inspiration:
Favorite quote:
“I have been wrestling with taking this step for so long now. Now I know for sure that everything will be okay. I’m ready to die now. Everything that I have ever been through, everyone that I’ve known, all of the good and bad that I’ve seen has lead me here to this point. Affected yet undeterred, I walk towards the end as I know it or, better yet, the beginning! I’m ready to die now. I’m ready to take that leap of faith and fulfill my destiny. “
Negative Thoughts Are Keeping You From Succeeding
Aug 20 2010
Posted by Ms. Pillowz as Personal Development
Aka I’m Prepared? Part 2…
You build on failure. You use it as a stepping stone. Close the door on the past. You don’t try to forget the mistakes, but you don’t dwell on it. You don’t let it have any of your energy, or any of your time, or any of your space. -Johnny Cash
Space and light and order. Those are the things that men need just as much as they need bread or a place to sleep. -Le Corbusier
Your personal space says a lot about you. How you live, how you handle life. It’s a testament to how you treat your body and what you think about yourself. Your personal space says a lot.
I’ll be honest. My personal space is cluttered. I exhibit pack rat tendencies. Physically and emotionally, this is how I’ve been known to roll. I keep things. Things that don’t mean anything. Things that no longer serve a purpose in my life. Things that I think that I need, but don’t use and things that I think may come in handy later. Emotionally, it is the same thing. I keep things, defense mechanisms that I don’t need, fears that do me no good, guilt for things that have long since been paid for, unwarranted shame, and built up anger. In both cases, I can say that I am not a candidate for Hoarders on Bravo. My “house” is neat, it’s all organized confusion, an oxymoron if there ever was one. I buy plastic containers, pretty boxes, and tall shelves to provide additional storage options, but let’s face it. No matter how or where things are stored, it is still clutter and it isn’t good to keep. Clutter of any kind blocks energy flow, creativity, focus, and blessings. I’ve started on the good foot so many times.
I’ve made changes. I’ve lost weight. I’ve cleaned up, but as my house reflects, I have not truly released things. Therefore, the changes that I’ve made revert back to my default. The weight that was lost finds its way back. The creative flow and productivity comes to a halt and things return to a disorganized state. How am I back here? It’s like a boomerang. You can throw it far, but it always comes back. Forward progress is good. Actually, it’s great. Who in their “right mind” wants to go back? Notice that “right mind” is in bold. In order to keep moving forward, your mind has to be right.
How many cases have you seen where someone has lost weight in some dramatic way, (pills, a fad diet, surgery), and after losing tens to hundreds of pounds, they eventually gain back the weight? What about all of those people who’ve won millions from the lottery only to end up totally broke in a matter of years? Their minds weren’t right. Their houses weren’t in order. It was filled with the clutter of their negative beliefs that got them to where they were to begin with: overweight, broke, lonely, unhappy, or depressed or all of the above. They weren’t prepared and neither was I. So, how could any of us expect lasting change? I’m curious to know your thoughts.
To be continued…
I was sent on a work related assignment to California, the OC – (Orange County) to be exact. Everyone that I told was super excited for me. They know that I love to travel. One of my goals is to visit every state, so I would finally be able to cross Cali off of my list. As a matter of fact, I had not gone farther than Texas, so I would be able to say that I’ve travelled from coast to coast.
When I first heard that I would be going, I was pretty nervous. I had no idea what to expect. I mean, it’s the OC for goodness sakes. Wasn’t there a show on tv of the same name? Any and everything that I’ve ever seen or heard about Cali is that everyone is tiny, blond, shallow, and has fake body parts. In my mind, this definitely wasn’t a Big Diva friendly place at all. The worst case scenario is that I would be looked at and treated like Shrek.
Do you see what I did here? Based on fictional movies and shows, I was bracing myself. I was developing the chip on my shoulder. I WAS CREATING THE INTENTION! (Law of Attraction). My assumption that everyone in the LA /OC area was or wanted to look like a stuck up Barbie doll caused me to think that they would look down their noses at me.
One of the big problems with this is that it puts you on the defensive. You’ve trained your mind to focus on negative occurences only. Everything negative that happens can ONLY happen because you are fat, a woman, a minority, are short, are physically impaired or whatever. If you’re not able to get a table at the Ivy in 5 minutes with no reservation, it can only be because you’re fat, not because eating here without a reservation is damn near impossible since it’s a very busy place all of the time. Being told that the club is not admitting any more patrons has to be because they are discriminating against you, not because the club is already past fire hazard level. The guy you were flirting with didn’t want to give you his number. Your first thought is that he’s probably racist. It never occurred to you that he has a girlfriend already or that he might not be into girls.
In all three of these examples, you’ve created the intention that there is negativity directed at you. As a result, you act accordingly. You may be sad, because you think that people are being mean to you. You snap at people, because you’re angry. You let these things affect your day / night, and that in turn taints your attitude and your behavior. Notice how from that point on, everything goes wrong. pantyhose get a run in them, you break a nail, you trip, etc. It’s like a domino effect!
I admit, I too am guilty of doing this. Sometimes when I go to certain type of events or venues, I think that I am not going to get any attention because of my weight. I create this intention and sure enough, my thought comes true: no attention. However, it’s not necessarily because of my weight, but because I act up. I’m not smiling, nor am I dancing and having a good time. I’m mean mugging something serious , so I don’t appear to be approachable, and I am searching for anyone who might be talking smack or looking at me weird. Who wants to talk to a chick like that? Regardless of how she looked, the answer would be no one. Any time that I have gone out and remained open minded, smiled, and left my prejudgements and negative intentions at home, I’ve had much better experiences.
I thought that I would hate LA and would be itching to get back home. I totally didn’t expect it to be a place of very friendly and laid back people and beautiful landscapes. Some guy in Hollywood even tried to holla. lol Shocking! :p So thank you, Cali, for reminding me to smile and not be so defensive. It is not important to fit in, but it is important to be a confortable and confident you! Get comfortable in your skin. Trust me when I tell you that being open, confident, and approachable is a game changer. People do notice these things. They are curious as to your source of happiness and joy.
Keep in mind that they’re going to be people who may look at you funny or have something negative to say, but don’t focus your attention on them and their hateful ways. They’ve got bigger problems than you or I have time to deal with, plus they aren’t worth the energy. Focus on the positive and enjoy your life. You’ll be a much better person for it. 
Is this thing on?
There are some things right now that are going on in my personal life that are causing me to open my eyes, ask questions of myself, and reevaluate some things. In my advice to others, I feel like I need to take it myself sometimes, so I wanted to write about it. This post may even seem a bit choppy or weird, almost like a diary, and for that I apologize, but this post is from the heart, so I hope that you cut me some slack.
“Don’t Make Assumptions. Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.” -Miguel Angel Ruiz
“Dear Universe,I finally realize what you’ve been trying to tell me. All of these things going on around me have made it crystal clear. I am listening and I’ve heard you. Changes are coming soon. Peace and Blessings…” – Me (Ms. Pillowz)
